


I'll Try To Make Things Better (But I Can't Promise That)

by deathclassic



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Anxiety, Depression, M/M, Tour Fic, interactive introverts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-02
Updated: 2018-05-02
Packaged: 2019-05-01 05:12:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14513286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deathclassic/pseuds/deathclassic
Summary: Dan has a bad day and Phil tries to make it better before tonights show





	I'll Try To Make Things Better (But I Can't Promise That)

**Author's Note:**

> uh thank you for reading, it's totally unedited

Phil wakes up before Dan in a familiar bed. 

They’ve only been away from their place for five days but it already seems five days too many. They have a show in London tonight which gave them the opportunity to go home for a night and tomorrow before heading to Glasgow. 

There’s no rush to wake up, they’ll have to go to the venue after lunch for soundcheck and to meet fans but they have hours until then. He glances over to see Dan facing away from him, his body moving up and down with each slow breath he takes. He’s still asleep. 

Phil pulls the grey covers off of him and stands up from the bed, ignoring his cracking joints as he walks the short distance to their ensuite. He leaves the door open slightly so he could hear Dan more easily if he wanted something. He tugs off his pyjamas shirt and kicks off his emoji pants that he wears out of spite and leaves them crumpled up in a pile near the bottom cupboards. 

The shower quickly heats up and he steps in and sighs as the hot water rushes over his sore shoulders. He’s tired; emotionally, mentally and physically tired. It’s hard work performing every night - sometimes twice a day - and it’s hard being on the road constantly and it’s hard meeting new people every day. But he loves it. 

It feels good to be back home even for a short while because everything is theirs. It’s their shampoo and not the tiny complimentary bottles, it’s their towels and not the stiff hotel towels that are barely large enough to cover them, it’s their bedding and Phil thanks Dan a million times mentally for putting new sheets on the bed the day they left so they’d have something fresh to sleep in. 

He shuts the water off ten minutes later and dried off the excess water. He wraps the towel around his waist and he listens. Dan’s normally awake by now, he’d have shouted for Phil to not use all the hot water and to pick the bathmat off of the floor so it would dry quicker. But there’s nothing. 

He walks into their room, still in his towel and looks at the Dan shaped lump on the bed. He’s still facing away from Phil but he’s awake because the breathing movements are faster. 

Phil knows today is not a good day. 

On a day like this, Phil would normally let everything fall into place, he’d make sure Dan would eat and drink at appropriate times, make sure he’d change into new clothes, have a shower and maybe go for a walk or indulge in some yoga with him. But that normally takes the entire day and today, they don’t have the entire day. 

It’s 9:30 in the morning and they need to be in a car on the way to the venue by at least 11:45. He decides to leave Dan in bed for a few more minutes while he changes into some day clothes and boils the kettle. He knows Dan knows exactly what’s happening but can’t bring himself to say anything as he casts his eyes down to the edge of the mattress and hardwood floors in his eyesight. 

The kettle is loud in their quiet household. On a good day the TV would be on or Dan would turn the Bluetooth on and play whatever obscure artist he’d recently found. Sometimes they’d both be in the kitchen and sometimes it would only be one of them but the other would be close by. Today it’s just Phil and his overly loud kettle. He gets Dan’s favourite mug because sometimes it’s the small details that can make someone feel better and pours the tea just how Dan likes it, ¾ water with a dash of soy milk and no sugars and fixes himself a similar cup. He walks carefully back to their room, hissing as some of his own tea splashes over the edge and onto his shaking hand. He places both mugs on Dan’s nightstand and stands there as Dan’s eyes slowly cast themselves upwards to Phil’s face. 

“I made tea” Phil says, voice still scratchy from being used so much as well as being unused for a length of time. “In your favourite mug”

“Thanks” Dan replies in a low voice but doesn’t make any move to unclench the covers. 

“We need to leave in two hours” Phil continues and he hates it. Hates that he has to rush Dan on a day like this but there’s nothing he can do, they can’t cancel an entire show because Dan’s having a bad day as much as he wants to. “But we can stay in bed for a little longer”

Dan shifts in bed, his movements slow and stiff. He shuffles back against the headboard and glances down at his lap. He knows that he has obligations to fulfill today, he can’t push this back another day like he could with filming a video. He’s trying and Phil knows that. But it’s hard. 

Phil passes him the mug of tea and walks around to his side of the bed. He sits next to Dan, back against the headboard and follows Dan’s gaze that has shifted from his lap to the suitcases sitting on the far wall. Dan takes a deep breath that could be mistaken for a sigh and brings the mug to his lips and takes a sip, it’s a start. 

It takes them far longer than it should for Dan to finish his tea and then Phil’s guiding Dan by the hand to the kitchen for something to eat. Toast with marmite is what he makes, he leaves Dan to do his own thing while he busies himself making toast. He’s so tired but he needs to be the one in charge today. He needs to be the one introducing them to the venue staff, he’s the one that needs to make sure everything runs smoothly and tell management what needs changing. He takes a deep breath as the pop of the toaster startles him out of his racing thoughts and takes the two pieces and puts them on separate plates. His hands are still shaking has he butters them and spreads marmite on top but he puts a brave face on as he turns around to wear Dan has taken a seat at the counter.   
“We have a long day today” Phil says and maybe he shouldn’t have said it today of all days but it’s true. Just like it was true the days before and for everyday in the future for the next four and a half months. “We’ll have lunch at the venue, something more substantial’

He finishes his toast quickly and is satisfied when Dan eats half the toast. He ends up eating the rest of Dan’s half as he cleans the dishes and sets them on the dry rack. He looks at the clock on the oven and bites his lip as he realises it’s 10:15. 

“Why don’t you shower while I vacuum?” Phil suggests. He was planning on vacuuming before they hit the road again, a surprising amount of dust has already gathered on surfaces but he wasn’t counting on doing it today. But it will give him something to do while Dan showers for a longer than he should. Dan nods and walks out of the kitchen, Phil waits until he hears the water running before he moves from the kitchen. He runs his hands down his face and he kinda wants to scream but he doesn't. 

Instead he dries the two plates and mugs and puts them away. He wipes down the counter and straightens the chairs up. The vacuum is the cupboard under the stairs and he lugs it around the house. When the faint sound of water stops, he stops. He puts it away and walks to their bedroom and finds Dan sitting on the edge of the bed, water still trickling down the curves of his face and down his back and falling into the edge of the towel. He has his eyes shuts so Phil purposefully walks louder to not startle him. 

He’s always on edge when Dan’s like this. He’s not sure what to do a lot of the time, he doesn’t want to treat Dan like he’s a baby or made of glass but he needs to be more considerate than he usually is. So he finds a weird middle ground that tends to overstep into the made of glass side of the spectrum but they work with it. 

“You know where your clothes are” Phil’s hands are still shaking “I’m not sure what i want to wear for the meet and greet”

“The red plaid shirt” Dan replies softly “The nice one you wear out on date night sometimes”

“Alright” Phil replies slightly taken aback that Dan actually replied to his statement. It shows that he’s trying. “You should wear your black hoodie that I hate”

“Yeah” Dan nods “Yeah”

They’re ready to go by 11am. They have forty-five minutes until the car arrives to drive them to the venue so Phil starts a round of Fortnite in the lounge. He let’s Dan rest his head on his shoulder, eyes shut and the sleeves of his hoodie covering his hands. He can nap for now. He’ll nap in the car and in the dressing room. Phil keeps his swears to mutters under his breath and every once in a while he’ll feel Dan’s face shift against his shoulder. 

Dan has his eyes shut in the car like Phil expected and Phil cracks his knuckles over and over again until there aren’t any knuckles left to crack and he’s just doing it for something to do with his hands. He doesn’t want to talk to the driver, normally Dan makes small talk and leaves Phil nodding along and saying his two cents every once in a while but today is different. 

He introduces themselves to the owners of Eventim Apollo and shakes their hands and somehow manages not to fuck up. Dan smiles and does polite chit chat when needed but as soon as they’re alone in the dressing room, the smile disappears and he’s flopped down onto the couch with his eyes shut once again. They eat lunch, well Phil eats lunch and Dan nibbles at his food and drinks a bottle of water. It’s better than nothing and hydration is important so Phil doesn’t say anything. He makes a boomerang for his new found love of Instagram stories and films his shoes and Dan’s that are both on the table in front of them. 

Soundcheck comes and goes with nothing major going wrong, Phil stumbles over his feet a few times and Dan manages to laugh and smile in all the right places to appear nothing is wrong. Phil messes about on the Nintendo Switch, offers Dan a turn but he shakes his head and lies down on the couch, he had taken his shoes off upon returning from soundcheck and Phil let’s him rest them on his lap. 

Phil walks around the dressing room, his body full of the nerves that happens before meet and greet, the amount of people he has to hug and talk to and pretend he isn’t having a nervous breakdown on the inside. He loves meet and greets, he really does but he’s an anxious person and he can’t help the jitters. 

Dan hugs him in the room outside where the meet and greet is held. He doesn’t say anything just wraps his arms around Phil’s shoulders and Phil let’s his arms loop around Dan’s waist like they do every time they hug. Even when Dan is having a bad day, he can always tell when Phil is more anxious than normal and knows when he needs something to ground him. It’s a warm hug, a firmness that let’s him know that everything is going to be alright, that the meet and greet will be fun and he won’t embarrass himself in any of the photos - much. 

“Your chin is really boney” Phil says softly “It’s digging into my shoulder”

“M’ not sorry” Dan replies and squeezes a little before letting go. His eyes are sad but there’s a little more colour in his cheeks than there was this morning. Sometimes just going on with the day is enough to make him feel better, a sense of normalness to make him feel normal. “Do I look okay?”

“Very edgy” Phil bites his tongue and lets out a giggle “Very you”

Phil watches Dan carefully out of the corner of his eye during the hour and a half it takes to get through every person. Dan’s laughing loudly, talking with each person, holding the camera up and smiling for every photo or following whatever the person wanted them to do. They have fun in meet and greets but by the time it’s over, they’re both exhausted and want nothing more than to spend some time alone once again. He makes Dan drink more water, makes him eat a granola bar and he does the same himself. Dan’s back on the couch and he’s not feeling a whole lot better but he has his sock clad feet dug under Phil’s thighs so it’s not the worst it’s been. 

They have dinner and Phil tries to eat the whole thing but the butterflies are making him feel sick and Dan isn’t hungry. Phil forces him to at least eat a third of it and is satisfied when Dan does so. Half an hour before the show starts and Phil’s walking around the dressing room again. He’s shaking his arms and legs and cracking his knuckles and running a hand through his styled hair. He keeps buttoning and unbuttoning the top button of his shirt and glancing at Dan who is dressed in his stage clothes and staring at the ceiling with a blank look on his face. It’s fine, they can do this, Dan will be fine on stage. Phil’s not nervous for himself at this point, he’s nervous for Dan. People seemed to be analysing Dan’s lack of activity on social media and the ‘look of sadness’ in his eyes in some of the meet and greet photos on Twitter. He wants to tweet that Dan’s fine, that it’s just a bad day but they’ll work through it, Dan will work through it and the show will go ahead as planned. But he doesn’t. 

Instead he moves Dan’s legs and sits under them and watches as Dan shifts and cuddles up beside him. It’s twenty minutes until they’re due on stage and ten minutes until they’re due sidestage. Marianne has ducked her head in several times to make sure they’re ready and that they’re makeup isn’t messed up and hair isn’t too out of place. 

“You’re gonna do great” Phil says as he runs his finger up and down the seam line on Dan’s jeans. “We’re gonna do great”

Dan nods and doesn’t say anything but he grabs hold of Phil’s hand. They sit in silence for the remaining ten minutes and then they stand up to walk to the side stage. Phil rubs his thumb over Dan’s in comforting circles and Dan grips Phil’s hand a little tighter. The nerves are still there but it’s mixed with adrenaline and excitement, the chatter of a sold out venue gets louder with every step. Someone gives them the one minute signal and in a instant Dan’s lips are against his and they’re gone before he can respond. 

“Thanks” Dan says quietly, smiling softly. The countdown is reaches the ten second mark, they drop their held hands at five and then they’re on stage. The nerves completely gone as they wrap themselves in the muscle memory of a new stage show. They let the show overtake them and then they’re back at home by midnight, exhausted with heavy limbs. Dan falls asleep first and Phil second, arms draped over Dan’s body as he pulls him closer. It’s a new day tomorrow, a new venue with new people. But tomorrow will be okay.


End file.
